I need to get something out really quick before my day goes any further, or I might explode. I still might explode.
Work is holding a training this week where all our communicators get together and share what they’ve learned throughout the year. It’s a great way for us to connect and find new ideas resources.
Two coworkers from my team were presenting together, and when I tell you they were demolishing. I’m not saying that because they’re my friends, but because they are experts in their work and do incredible work.
I was lurking in the chat in case anyone had questions about what they were discussing, when about 20 minutes into their hour-long presentation it happened.
The question in the chat that sent me crashing out:
Can you speak louder? I keep having to change volume when it’s your turn.
The wind was knocked fully out of me. Then the anger came.
Oh NO, you had to turn up your volume?! THAT’S WHAT THAT’S FUCKING FOR BARBARA.
How very dare she.
Was it SUCH an inconvenience for your finger to adjust your volume that you had to interrupt her public speaking, which we all know is such a fucking hard thing to do?!
And why wouldn’t she have told her copresenter to instead speak more quietly? Not that she was being too loud either, it’s the principle.
The person who is quieter is no less qualified or worthy of your respect.
(**Bonus content: This won’t go in the article bc it’s a weighty accusation from one sentence, but she also doesn’t deserve less respect due to her accent.)
Clearly, as it’s been like 45 minutes and I’m still shaking, this was highly triggering for me as an introvert.
I grew up being told to stretch myself to my absolute limits to be the same as my more extroverted peers.
It was exhausting. My mom used to literally have to drag me out of bed for school, I’d be so wiped out from the overstimulation.
It made me feel like my introversion was a thing that was wrong with me; that socialization was something I was bad at, rather than just I have different preferences and needs for.
I pushed myself as painfully far from my shell as I could bear without publicly bursting into tears (and sometimes… with publicly bursting into tears).
While I did build endurance for socializing in time, especially as I got to college and found people who were excited about learning.
Unfortunately, years of abuse in young adulthood weaponized this deep-seated insecurity, my ex berating me anytime I got too excited.
By the time I broke away, I was back to barely speaking above a whisper.
All that to say, you don’t fucking know what someone’s about. Maybe instead of being critical for no fucking reason, you could open your mind and adjust your expectations.
Better yet, prove you can do it better in the same conditions.
I reached out to my friend right after her talk to say I could hear her great and sent some quotes from my favorite book Quiet, and now we’re doing a book club.
She also just got a shoutout by the brand team for an incredible project she did.
In conclusion: eat shit, Barbara. We ride at dawn.
Do I need to go take a Xanax over this? Thank goodness I didn’t cancel therapy today.
Link Quiet quotes