Let’s get some sad news out of the way: I originally wrote most of this article way back at the end of January 2025. I ended up not ever sharing because the topic is so draining. With very few tweaks, it’s as relevant today as it was over a year ago:
Driving to the aquarium, celebrating with friends, making homemade pasta... my partner and I had an absolutely lovely weekend together. But despite the great time, festivities were interspersed with moments of spiraling panic.
What could possibly be making my blood pressure rise? Naturally (is that word still allowed?), it was basically anything new I learned about what was happening with the current administration.
I’d caught myself bringing it up, yet again, when I noticed him gently deflating. It was only then I realized that I’d been dominating the conversation. Worse still, he’d already gently mentioned a couple of times that he didn't want to think about it right before doing something that was supposed to be enjoyable.
Just like that, I'd interrupted what was otherwise a lovely, peaceful activity to bring up Trump again. Ew.
My partner and I have had an ongoing conversation around how we're individually dealing with current events, in the U.S. and globally. We have different bandwidths for political news; something we openly acknowledge and try to keep in mind.
It originally came up after the election when I noticed he tended to go quiet during conversations about what was happening in politics. It wasn’t that he was in disagreement, but his battery for thinking about it even more than he already was was low.
Meanwhile, I’ve always had to be involved in politics to some degree due to my research and educational interests. It’s also a way of coping through a feeling that I can arm myself with knowledge and preparation.
A safety tactic instilled during my nearly five years in law enforcement was over-preparation, something that definitely both benefits and holds me back in many ways.
Visualizing how I could best respond in different scenarios is a common practice from training that saw me through many life-threatening events, including years of abuse. I'm incredibly used to operating in a crisis. Thanks to my CPTSD, it’s also something that’s stuck with me to the point that it becomes distressing.
Before leaving my house, I look up the traffic and whether my destination will be busy. I research menus and photos if possible, so I can best visualize how I’ll navigate the space and situation. I practice potential future conversations and rehash old ones, looking for ways I could have made myself more clear.
Because if I’m prepared enough, nothing can go wrong. And if something does go wrong? It must be my fault.
Feeling armed with knowledge about a situation helps me feel more prepared to act; so of course I feel like I have to prepare my partner as well.
So naturally, I've been doom-absorbing information about Trump. After all, he literally does all he can do dehumanize me and everyone I love; a major safety threat. How could I not learn everything I could?
Before moving on, I want to specify that I don’t believe it’s wrong to prepare this way. Everyone’s bandwidth for politics is different and in flux at any given time.
I do my best to strike a balance and not go to the extreme, but I also think I have a little more energy for it due to years of living in crisis mode (thanks to both my career and abusive relationship of the time).
That said, just because that’s how I’m dealing doesn’t mean it’s how everyone has to cope. My partner shouldn’t have to think about how afraid he is for his family every second of the day if he’s feeling burnt out. He shouldn't have to constantly absorb my worries on top of his own fear.
That doesn't help either of us.
We had a great talk about this, during which we set boundaries around when it was an ok time to bring up politics. We also talked about ways we could ask in advance with more grace.
There will obviously be exceptions and missteps. It's still going to come up. He doesn’t want to ignore politics; he wants to be aware and be able to talk about it together. Maybe just not right when we're about to walk into the aquarium for a birthday party.
As other highly-masking survivors may relate, I can be really hard on myself about symptom management. I’m grateful that even when my composure slips, my partner is ready to communicate and work through it with me.
If I didn't let the steam out of this anxiety kettle I'd blow my lid. So I put my thoughts here, where other people who cope like me are able to connect.
I try my best. He tries his best. We all do our part where we can.