Writing is one of my favorite things in the world. It’s what I’ve always wanted to do, ever since I learned to read at age 5 and began devouring any book in sight.
So why, when I finally have time at the end of a long day, can I not bring myself to actually sit down and do one of my favorite things?
Why am I, as I write this article completely for fun, currently considering whether I should stop three paragraphs in for a tiny nap (which will inevitably result in my ignoring my alarm and sleeping for two hours)?
If you’ve read any of my other posts (or the title of this one), you can probably guess that the answer is trauma!
Symptoms of Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) can cast shadows on the lives of survivors. There are the symptoms one could guess: flashbacks, anxiety, nightmares. There are also many more covert ways trauma can infiltrate your mind.
In this post, we’ll briefly address a few of the lesser-known ways CPTSD symptoms can sneakily prevent us from doing the things we love such as pursuing our hobbies.
Disrupted executive function
CPTSD can impair cognitive difficulties and disrupt executive functions such as memory and problem-solving. As a result, even the simplest tasks, like organizing thoughts or starting a new piece, can feel like navigating a maze.
Writing requires meticulous planning and organized thinking, but trauma can make these tasks feel overwhelming, stifling creativity and inhibiting our ability to translate ideas into words.
Exhaustion
Sleep disturbances, such as nightmares and insomnia, are common companions of those with CPTSD. The lack of restorative sleep can leave you feeling perpetually drained, sapping the energy needed for the creative process.
The fatigue that results from these sleep disturbances can make it difficult to summon the mental and emotional stamina required for writing.
Lack of focus
Maintaining focus is essential for productive writing and editing. However, the hypervigilance that often accompanies CPTSD can make maintaining focus feel like trying to catch smoke. The constant racing thoughts and scanning for threats can be incredibly distracting.
Fun fact about me: when these symptoms are particularly bad on a given day I call it my brain being loud. Today is one of those days.
The external world’s distractions and the internal whirlwind of thoughts can divert your attention away from the page.
Stress response
Writing serves as a channel for my emotions and experiences. It has been an incredibly helpful tool when reflecting on the abuse I’ve experienced. While it can help me process certain memories, the chronically heightened stress response that characterizes CPTSD can amplify tough emotions that arise to an overwhelming degree.
The raw intensity of feelings can make it challenging to maintain the delicate balance between expressing your truth and retraumatizing yourself in the process. Sometimes certain memories can even be too triggering to write about at all.
Embracing self-compassion
Even though all of these symptoms and many others hold me back, I push through because writing saves me. It gives me back my voice. It’s crucial to remember that while CPTSD presents significant challenges, this journey also provides a unique perspective that can change the lives of others.
If you struggle to write after experiencing trauma, I encourage you to grant yourself permission to take breaks when needed, acknowledge your small victories, and recognize that writing doesn’t always have to be a linear path.
However you choose to channel your trauma, learn to understand the fluctuations and honor your feelings without judgment. By shedding light on these challenges, you not only validate your own experiences but also help others navigate similar terrain.