In public, Eleanor was forced to behave like she was in a happy, normal relationship. When she wasn’t quietly sobbing in bathrooms, she was dissociating her way through the day.
Her anxiety was through the roof, she’d all but stopped taking care of her health, and she’d withdrawn from most of her loved ones due to how stressful it became to contact them.
She finally became so depressed and isolated that she convinced Clark to allow her to see a therapist.
As burnt out and exhausted as she was from his mind games, assaults, and dangerous moods, she managed to turn his own manipulation against him by telling him she was struggling to get over the affair she’d recently caught him in.
An affair that consisted of him having a threesome with two women who were over twice his age.
After much debate, he agreed that Eleanor could go to counseling, but not out of concern for her mental health.
To Clark, it meant someone else could figure out what was wrong with her, teach her to swallow her feelings, and tell her to move on. This would absolve him of the responsibility to put in any repair efforts or have the vulnerable conversations of which he wasn’t truly capable.
Can you believe he genuinely thought it was going to go? Narcissists are wild.
Even after starting therapy, it took several months of sessions before she’d admit to a single thing wrong with Clark. She spent that time in denial mode: lying through her teeth about how he was trying, how he was a changed man, how he was working on his drinking, etc.
It didn’t help that he tended to be in the next room during her virtual sessions.
One thing she couldn’t hide so well was her mental pain. Her counselor regularly provided screenings for anxiety, depression, and PTSD.
It turned out it was easier for her to feel safe rating the trauma she was experiencing on a scale than to actually describe what it was she was feeling.
Those words wouldn’t come until much later, not until long after her escape.
I’m thrilled to announce that I’ve officially started my book!
I’m so glad you’re here
It’s been an inspiring and challenging process so far. I can’t wait to share more of Eleanor’s harrowing story of abuse and her journey toward escape.
Thanks so much to all those who have supported me thus far on this whirlwind writing adventure. Follow along for more details and exclusive sneak peeks by subscribing!