If I’m not constantly being productive, I don’t feel useful at all to the world. Unfortunately, it takes all of 3 1/2 seconds of inactivity to feel that way.
A moment of rest feels like a failure in fighting back against all of the bad happening in the world. There’s always something else I can be doing, and it’s never enough.
For example, last night I was feeling guilty about being “lazy” and extra exhausted this weekend. I started to get bummed with myself because I haven’t finished an article in over a week, having been gone last weekend visiting my best friends in New York.
At this point, my dear partner gently reminded me that I’d gotten back from my trip on Tuesday afternoon and gone straight into working the rest of the week at a conference for my full-time job.
I’d also had a procedure on Friday to get a new IUD (always awful) and then continued to work the rest of the day.
Aside from that, I’d just hours ago turned in a draft of a 10-page final paper for grad school, which I’m attending part-time for the thrill of it.
I took a couple of naps the past few days, yes. But that’s to recover from the steady force with which my motivation propels me through life at all other times. I don’t have to be completing longterm projects every day to be contributing steadily to my various responsibilities and causes.
This mindset has to be unlearned; I know this.
We all need rest. Just one more thing first..