Potent quotables
The most important thing is never to look away from someone’s pain. Not just the physical pain of their body shutting down, but the emotional pain of watching their life end while knowing they could have lived it better. Giving someone the chance to be seen at their most vulnerable is much more healing than any words.
people often felt the need to say something as they were dying, something of significance—as if they realized it was their last chance to leave a mark on the world. Usually those last messages fit into one of three categories: things they’d wish they’d done differently, things they’d learned along the way, or secrets they’d kept that they were finally ready to reveal.
I liked to come equipped with things that might help a dying person feel more comfortable in their final moments. There was a small Bluetooth speaker for playing music or nature sounds, plus an iPad for googling images of destinations that conjured a person’s happiest memories, or for reading passages from their preferred religious text. I also packed a scented lotion for massaging their hands, some stationery and a pen for writing letters and documenting final wishes, some small candles to help create a more intimate environment, and my sticks of sage and palo santo.
“And what, my darling, is a death binder?” “It’s a way of organizing all of the documents and details that your family might need—social security number, birth certificate, bank account details, passwords, and, of course, your will. But it can also be more than that, like a list of all the people you’d like them to notify when you’re gone.” “I see.” “And it can also be helpful to compile a list of things that would help them plan your funeral—if you even want one, that is. Like, do you want an open casket? And if so, what would you like to be wearing? And how do you want to be remembered? Do you have a favorite song, poem, or prayer? Or a favorite flower? Things like that.” “This is all very morbid, Clover,” Claudia said, mildly amused.
They were so close to being together.