Potent quotables
I am a victim, I have no qualms with this word, only with the idea that it is all that I am. However, I am not Brock Turner’s victim. I am not his anything. I don’t belong to him.
I believe he is not absolved of the title simply because he ran out of time.
I didn’t know that money could make the cell doors swing open. I didn’t know that if a woman was drunk when the violence occurred, she wouldn’t be taken seriously. I didn’t know that if he was drunk when the violence occurred, people would offer him sympathy. I didn’t know that my loss of memory would become his opportunity. I didn’t know that being a victim was synonymous with not being believed.
In rape cases it’s strange to me when people say, Well why didn’t you fight him? If you woke up to a robber in your home, saw him taking your stuff, people wouldn’t ask, Well why didn’t you fight him? Why didn’t you tell him no? He’s already violating an unspoken rule, why would he suddenly decide to adhere to reason? What would give you reason to think he’d stop if you told him to? And in this case, with my being unconscious, why were there still so many questions?
My nerves shot up in flames, but for the first time in nine months, anxiety did not cause me to shrivel up and shut down. It fueled me to begin.
You have to hold out to see how your life unfolds, because it is most likely beyond what you can imagine. It is not a question of if you will survive this, but what beautiful things await you when you do.
I could convert my pain into ideas, could begin brainstorming alternate futures for victims.
What I meant was take note of his mental health, because in my experience, when men were upset, lonely, or neglected, we were killed.
The man, charged with battery causing serious bodily harm, had asked for a light punishment. She said, When I get beaten, can I ask for a better offer?
If a victim speaks but no one acknowledges her, does she make a sound?
The judge had given Brock something that would never be extended to me: empathy. My pain was never more valuable than his potential.
Society gives women the near impossible task of separating harmlessness from danger, the foresight of knowing what some men are capable of. When we call out assault when we hear it, Trump says, I don’t think you understand. Just words. You are overreacting, overly offended, hysterical, rude, relax!!! So we dismiss threatening statements and warning signs, apologizing for our paranoia. We go into a party or meeting thinking it’s just a party or meeting. But when we are taken advantage of, and come crawling back damaged, they say, How could you be so naive, you failed to detect danger, let your guard down, what did you think would happen? Trump made it clear the game is rigged, the rules keep changing. It doesn’t matter what you think is assault, because in the end, he decides.
My advice is, if he’s worried about his reputation, don’t rape anyone.
History shows that if you were in the minority, if no one believed you, it didn’t mean you were wrong. Rather, it meant society was slow to catch up to you. And if those in the minority did not buckle, did not give up their truths, the world would shift below their feet.
Your attorney has repeatedly pointed out, well we don’t know exactly when she became unconscious. And you’re right, maybe I was still fluttering my eyes and wasn’t completely limp yet. That was never the point. I was too drunk to speak English, too drunk to consent way before I was on the ground. I should have never been touched in the first place.
You took away my worth, my privacy, my energy, my time, my safety, my intimacy, my confidence, my own voice, until today.
Do not talk about the sad way your life was upturned because alcohol made you do bad things. Figure out how to take responsibility for your own conduct.
Lit review
This book had me in tears from start to finish. I so relate to what Chanel went through and admire her strength in reporting. It also, sadly, serves as a reminder of why many victims of abuse or assault choose not to speak out.