Potent quotables
…financial education was a luxury only those with access to financial resources could pass on to their families. Having a financial education was a privilege. Being a cisgender, straight, able-bodied white woman with a middle-class upbringing was a privilege. And with that privilege came responsibility.
A financial foundation provides choices. Small yet impactful choices, like the ability to take a revitalizing vacation, purchase little luxuries without guilt, or donate to causes you believe in. And Big Life Stuff choices, like starting a business, having children, or retiring early. And most important, the choice to exit toxic situations, like leaving an emotionally abusive relationship or an anxiety-inducing job.
It is an act of protest to prioritize rest instead of hustle, abundance rather than scarcity, and generosity in place of stockpiling. In a world that actively works to keep us playing small, it is an act of protest to be stable, content, and powerful.
Our feelings about money are intentionally weaponized. There are predatory companies taking advantage of our lack of education—store credit cards pretending to be reward cards, “Get rich tomorrow off this hot stock!” scams, multilevel marketing companies, and private student loans come to mind. These companies use our fears and insecurities to make money, in the same way that magazines, beauty companies, and the diet industry have historically done.
Men are taught about money in a way that women aren’t, starting in childhood. This continues into adulthood. Golf courses, whiskey bars, and online message boards are chock-full of men trading stock tips, discussing their annual bonuses, and sharing real estate theories. It’s socially acceptable—nay, encouraged—for men to discuss money and pursue wealth. Women could not have a credit card in their own name without a male cosigner until 1974. Women couldn’t get a business loan without a male cosigner until fourteen years later. And even now, in the twenty-first century, men make the majority of the wealth-building financial decisions in heteronormative relationships. There are thousands of other examples. The system does not consider us and then shames us when we fail to understand.
With financial education and knowledge about why shame is happening, that shame turns to anger at the unjust systems that cause it in the first place. Once we turn shame into anger, we can turn anger in action. And turning shame into action can be a powerful fucking thing.
The single mom who works two jobs but can’t seem to make ends meet doesn’t need to work harder—she needs financial/societal support and systemic change.
Beyond “traditional gender roles” that used to keep women in the home, we actually assign those gender roles to specific kinds of work and then pay people who do those jobs less than people who do other work.
They’ll advise, “Don’t spend money on handbags, clothes, manicures, and martinis.” But wait a second! Why don’t they ever seem to talk about golf clubs? Or box seats at a football game? It’s this very gendered advice. We don’t write articles about men spending money on power tools or Xbox games, but we write about how we view women’s spending choices as this frivolous thing.
It was the idea that every dollar that you spend is a trade-off: it comes at the cost of not spending that dollar on something else. Over time, I realized that concept extended not just to money but also to time, to energy, to attention—to any limited resource that we need to allocate. It’s tied closely to the theory of opportunity cost. Choosing one thing means not choosing another. Sometimes we’re not aware of the fact that we are making that choice.
How Many Taco Dollars Does It Cost?
Sure, you can set goals and have all the intention in the world of making them come to fruition—but if you don’t have a plan for your goals, it won’t matter one bit how much you want them. It’s not enough just to write down a goal; we need to create a step-by-step plan in order to make it happen.
Women hold more than two-thirds of the student debt in America—because although men start with more student debt, on average, they are able to pay it off faster. And being deeper in debt not only affects our current financial situation but also keeps us from saving and investing more, and it prevents us from improving our financial prospects because our credit scores take a hit.
Now, let me be clear: being debt free is an act of rebellion, but the act of paying off debt isn’t. Paying the (unfortunately necessary) interest, sending in your hard-earned money every month to a massive corporation or the government, is soul sucking and icky. If you’re a woman, a person of color, LGBTQ+, disabled, and so on, being debt free is a “fuck you” to a system that wants to keep you under its thumb.
The average person will not be able to afford to retire if they don’t invest, and I want you to be able to stop fucking working someday.
To do less evil, understand what you’re comfortable with in terms of participating within this capitalist system, because by refusing to invest, really what you’re doing from the math standpoint is losing money to inflation. You’re losing money to the system. Unless you can go totally off grid and grow your own food and be entirely independent and self-sufficient, you’re participating in the global economy. But the way we participate matters.
If you’re voting and lobbying and participating in democracy but are investing blindly in the stock market, then, to me, there’s a disconnect there.
The reasons for the wage gap are numerous: women not negotiating at the same rate that men do or being denied their requests at a higher rate than men and labeled “ungrateful”; women making up the bulk of lower-paid workers, especially in professions such as teaching and health care, whose societal value is not reflected in their economic compensation; and the big elephant in the room: terrible family-leave policies that penalize women for having children. Meanwhile, their male partners—who are also parents!—actually experience what researchers call the “fatherhood premium”: a bump in compensation due to the perception of them as more committed, stable, and deserving.
You can work hard and care deeply about your work, while also honoring your needs, taking breaks, and doing what you love.
being a successful negotiator means that you thoughtfully prepared and organized your materials, advocated for yourself firmly but politely, and were brave enough to try.
There might be times when you aren’t able to save any money or pay down debt. Emotionally and psychologically, this is where offering yourself grace becomes an absolute nonnegotiable. Shame and judgment have no place in personal finance ever, but especially not when you’re struggling.
Lit review
Since enduring five long years of abuse, and losing nearly all of my savings in the process, I’ve been trying to chip away at my crushing debt. Unfortunately, with the economy as it is currently, it’s been tough to make a dent.
This read is the reason I have a note in my phone called Financial Femininomenon (shoutout Chappell Roan) and should be required reading for any woman who’s ever been made to feel like investing isn’t for them or that it’s too complicated.
Spoiler alert: You were made to feel that way by design.
Tori Dunlap does a straight up inspiring job helping women feel empowered to become financially independent, a goal which I’ve taken on with gusto since reading this book. Learn how to make your money work for you, rather than listening to so-called “experts” who benefit from making finances unapproachable to underserved populations.
Cut through the intentionally confusing, gatekeeping financial lingo and discover that you absolutely have what it takes to control your own money.