Lit review
When it comes to understanding sexual cravings and navigating relationships, we all face unique challenges based on our past experiences. For those who have endured trauma, these challenges can be particularly complex and impactful.
In my own post-trauma healing, I struggled to understand why my sexual desires were often elusive, inconsistent, or at odds with what I believed they should be. Distraught with the effects trauma continued to bring to my romantic life even after escaping my abuse, I hauled around a hefty burden of guilt, confusion, and self-judgment.
It was on a quest for answers and support that I stumbled upon Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. The book’s compassionate and non-judgmental approach made me feel safe and understood beginning right from the Table of Contents. It was a revelation to learn that our sexual selves are influenced by such a multitude of factors, including past experiences and daily stressors.
After struggling for years with my sexual appetite (or lack thereof) and my relationship with intimacy, this compelling and incredibly well-researched account made me feel intrigued, hopeful, and, dare I say, excited. One of the most valuable aspects of “Come As You Are” is the way it provided an easy language surrounding sexuality, pleasure, and sexual safety. Nagoski offers practical tools and strategies to communicate effectively with our partners, fostering a safe space for open conversations about our needs, boundaries, and triggers.
The author introduces concepts like the dual control model, sexual brakes and accelerators (an analogy that’s been a monumental topic of conversation with my partner), and the context of sexual experience. With this newfound language, I was able to better articulate and communicate my needs and boundaries to my partner.
I actually loved this book so much I wrote a full article about it on my blog a while ago, check it out if you fancy: https://medium.com/gain-indpiration/accelerators-and-brakes-how-come-as-you-are-got-my-motor-running-post-trauma-d65ea9296600?sk=83fc090c86e16818b3d107827c9f7979